To Sum It All Up

A year, more than a year actually.
That's how long it has been since I have written here.
A lot has happened, and I'm ecstatic to share with you...
Let us take a trip down memory lane for the last year.
I started dating Mike summer 2011, thought I put him through a lot initially, he came around and gave me a second chance.
I am so grateful he did because I don't know where I would be if he hadn't.
Since last summer we've done a lot, we've pretty much been inseparable...
I got to meet his parents last fall as well as got to see where he is from & met some of his friends.
We moved in together right after Thanksgiving and spent the holidays together & with my family.
In February I decided I needed to make an occupational move, so I applied for many jobs and landed one at a bank in Puyallup, initially part time, which quickly developed into full time.
In April 2012 Mike took me to Los Angeles to meet his sister & Reno to visit his parents again.
Thanks to him and his sister I got to knock a few things off my bucket list, such as seeing the Hollywood sign, go to Huntington Beach, rides bikes along the boardwalk, got to Disneyland, shopping, party in Hollywood and so much more. It was an amazing experience & lovely meeting his sister & seeing his parents again. This was all for my birthday. (He spoils me)
One weekend in May I decided to buy a new car and we wound up with my 2013 Kia Rio!
Coincidentally, this amazing man I've been dating for a year decided to propose to me that same weekend while we were in Westport!! (details to come in another post)
After much quick planning we got married two months later on July 14th, 2012 in my grandma's backyard. I may be biased but it was the most beautiful wedding, and I could not have asked for anything more!
After much searching we moved into our new home in August of this year and have gotten settled in.
We visited Leavenworth for Labor Day and not long after my best friend came to visit and she is pregnant with her first baby!
My husband joined her and I at the Puyallup Fair, to which he had never been.
Lastly, my sister in law visited us for a weekend during the first part of October, so we had a chance to show her around our neck of the woods. 
I think that about covers the basics. 
The last year has flown by, but it was an amazing adventure full of new experiences that I wouldn't change for anything. I'm so lucky and completely blessed with everything I've been given.
I hope you enjoyed the update, stay posted for more. :)

"The most important thing is to enjoy your life- to be happy- it's all that matters." - Audrey Hepburn

My Story

I'm not quite sure why I have never thought of this as a blog idea before, so here my inspiration comes from Chelsea Faverty.
A simple thing called....my story.

Let's begin...
Born April 15th, 1990....Easter Sunday to my wonderful parents, I was blessed.
I grew up in Sumner, WA until I was 7 and for the most part have not stopped moving around since then.
Never staying in one school more than 2 years until I reached high school, I easily learned to adapt to change.
I grew up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday basically my whole life, my parents helped out in ministry and us kids were always as involved as we could be. Getting saved at age 5 and bapitzed at 10, I was set in my faith.
And I still am. But it's a little different now.

Here's to new things...
The entirety of my student life I worked hard in school and participated in leadership, drama, dance, clubs, etc.  until I graduated.
Throughout my life, dance has always been the constant. Starting at 5 with ballet and carrying on up until this day, it's how I express myself. It's where I've felt most comfortable and I've had the most fun.
It was only in high school that I got involved in drama classes and as quickly as I came out of my shell, was as quickly as I took this "acting" by the reigns. I did a few shows in high school and served on drama council. Post graduation I did a few things here and there.
I've always wanted a life of dancing, to be able to do what I love and make a living.

Take a break...
I've worked since I was 16 and only stopped to take a break for one summer 2 years ago.
I stopped to do a summer creative arts internship with Puyallup Foursquare Church, I felt called to take the time off to maybe see what God wanted for my life.
At the time, I gave myself to the internship for 2 months, living and breathing ministry. Now to say I remember what or how I felt at the time would be a lie. All I can remember is thinking ministry was the only option for me. Looking back, I think in trying to find my "purpose", I lost sight of my dreams for a moment in time.
However, I met some amazing people at the time and I am eternally grateful for that.
I'm not sure what exactly the reason was for my doing the internship, but if at the very least I can say I came out of that season of life with a few more friends, a few more mentors, and some helpful advice....I'll take it.
Because what I see when I look back isn't much more than that, but maybe those people are what has made all the difference in my life.

Back to the basics...
I went back to working since then, and I haven't stopped. I started my job at Auntie Anne's with the intention of staying until I could find a full time "real job." It just so happens that I'm still there 2 years later, and happier than ever. I've also got a job teaching dance at the YMCA, and I feel like my future is just beginning.

The reality...
Because it doesn't matter if I'm smack in the middle of one of the largest churches in our city or if I'm doing my own thing, my faith is my faith. And how I share it is up to me. Ministry is more than what congregation you "represent", it's about representing God. And although I may have stepped off "the right path" according to some, I don't think people can look at me and say I haven't been blessed or that I'm lost or broken. I think they will look at me and see I've got a faith in me that has gotten me where I am and a God that's always taken care of me no matter what, a glow that says I'm confident in who I am and I will always live life to the fullest.


"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."- Soren Kierkegaard

Long Time No Talk

Well hello again...
It's been quite some time, sadly. 
I have had a hard time finding extra time to write the past few months. 
And honestly didn't really know what I would even write about was I given the chance. 
But now I know. 
Life.
My life, the way it is, how I've been. 
To catch you up to speed I've been working. A lot.
But life has been great and i feel like I could not ask for anything more. 
I have a great job that I work almost 40 hours a week at, I love the location, the people and all the training and experience. 
Then I have a second job at the YMCA to balance work with play yet still get paid.
Teaching dance to these kids and being able to be a part of something that has such an impact on the community is amazing. 
To be able to use my passion and creativity every time I go to work is the most fulfilling feeling ever. 
Then my third "job". I help take care of my special needs brother once a week. 
This teaches me patience, love, kindness. 
It gives me a bond with him that I never had while we were growing up, it's rewarding to know that he gets so excited about those 5 hours every single week. 
And although it was originally designed to help me out, and it still does, I think it was one of the better ideas my mom could have had. 
So I've been busy, but blessed.
I've been exhausted, but refreshed. 
With a healthy balance, even though I don't have time to do everything I want, I know I'm doing well.
And I want to thank all the amazing people who have stood behind me the whole way through, cheering me on, reassuring me that the craziness will not last forever. 
It's been an amazing season of life that just keeps continuing, and continuing to teach me...
Time management, passion, creativity, patience, love, dedication, and perseverance all pay off. 
I'm completely blessed beyond what I feel like I deserve and I'm thankful for every minute of it. 

No Parade

Written in early May, 2011, I was too much of a coward to post this blog.
Possibly in fear of already having said too much about a certain person. Or possibly because it held so much raw emotion at the time.
Either way, it's been 3 1/2 months and I'm posting it because I want nothing to be left unsaid, or unread.



"There was no parade."
The four words that have echoed in my soul for the last few months.
Where, every time I hear the song, I feel the tears in my heart but they refuse to come from my eyes.
Did the knife go all the way through my heart and into my back?
Or into my back and out through my heart?
Either way, it was a job that took care of two birds with one stone, so to speak.
Although it was kind of a blur, that knife, stone, whatever it was...hurt like hell.
You can't see the bruises anymore but if I let you close enough, the scars are there, blending in among the many others.
Bruises we forget about, because they only last a short while.
But the funny thing about scars is they stay with you forever.
They are there to haunt, to constantly remind you of just how you got them every time you look at them.
The goal is to avoid looking at those scars and triggering your memories.
Though there is something good that comes from them.
If you are smart enough, they will teach you to count your blessings.
All you have can disappear in a split second. Literally.
It only takes a an instant for your life to do a complete 180 and spiral out of control.
All you knew, gone.
All you believed, misplaced.
All you loved, lost.
And you have no say, no chance to stop it, and no opportunity to go back and change it.
Life doesn't give us a reset button. But it has no problem with replay in slow motion.
Try not to sit there rewinding and replaying the moments you were hurting most because the pain will subside and life will go on.
But not if you dwell. Not if you hold on.
Don't become a masochist.
You better stop crying and pull out that knife and remove that stone before your skin closes around it.
Your skin is thick and you are stronger than you think.
Take the time and let yourself heal, so that one day when someone looks at that scar and asks where you got it...you can tell them with dry eyes and without a sharp twinge of regret, despair, rejection or anguish.
Who knows, maybe if you're lucky, one day you will look back and laugh about it.
;)




"After all the noise I never heard our last goodbye. It was silent as a butterfly."- Jordin Sparks
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."- Unknown

Feelings Too Familiar

Feelings too familiar
I know this feeling, it's a familiar one.
Scary, and it has me freaking out.
That feeling when you're falling and you don't want to. When you realize your problem in life is that you've always cared too much, so much it's gotten you in trouble.
Because you're loyal, faithful, loving, caring...you have high expectations.
So high, you expect those qualities in others...
It's not until you're in far too deep do you realize that they may not have those.
And you get hurt.
Living life means being vulnerable, which means you gotta let go sometimes.
You can't control everything.
You need faith, enough to let you live, enough to let you love.
One day, and I pray with all I have that I'm not lying to you, someone will prove you wrong.
They will be different, worth the fight.
And they will surprise you because they will be just what you've always expected for yourself. And high standards will pay off.
In the meantime..
Don't get too scared to push forward, to move on with life, to live without regrets and to never hold back.
Be a free spirit and give it everything you've got.
Because one day it'll be enough, the pain and fear will die away.

"Fate loves the fearless."-James Russell Lowell

Love Matters

So much has changed.
How did you get here?
You did a complete 180.
Not that you were ever a hopeless romantic or anything....well, maybe a little.
But you were definitely a hopeless romantic in denial.
Always pretended you didn't like the cute, mushy stuff, when secretly you kinda wanted it to be you.
Then you were, and you were one of those annoying couples, so in love....
You were the girl that couldn't stop talking about him, that smiled when you read a text from him or got butterflies at the thought of seeing him again.
And now look at you.
You know what they are saying, don't you?
They say you've given up.
They say you've lost hope.
But who cares what they say?
You're different now.
You don't want anything serious.
The thought of being labeled as "in a relationship" or as someone's "girlfriend" terrifies you.
Because those labels are accompanied by underlying stereotypical meanings.
But the thought of commitment is repulsive.
Even the thought of any emotional tie right now doesn't sound appealing.
In your mind, a label makes you weak. It sets you up for failure.
You've shut down. Put up a wall. Closed yourself off in order to heal.
Life is happening and you are more alive than ever.
You've embraced the your experiences and you've found a new you.
You've found your strength and hope and you are hanging on to it with everything you've got.
As you should.
I once heard that love is everything. Love is all that matters, so let it take hold of you.
Fall in love.....fall in love with as many things as you can.
Fall in love with what keeps you breathing.
Love God. Love family. Love friends. Love work.
Love the sound of the ocean, or the birds that chirp in the morning.
Love music, love dance, love adventure, love creation.
"Let go of what kills you and hold on to what keeps you breathing."
What keeps you breathing?
Let no one hold you back.
Let no one judge you.
It doesn't matter what they say.
Follow your heart, whether broken or whole.
If it's broken, with every step you take it is piecing itself back together.
Every step makes you stronger.
And it's gonna lead you to right where you were meant to be.
How do I know this?
Trust me, I've lived it. We're created to bounce back, and if you're lucky, you will do it in a big way.
Have faith.
Don't lose hope.
Find your love.



"The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it." - Thomas Monson

Kiss of Death

Self destruction.
You're hurting.
You're confused.
What's next? What's not?
Things are good, life is fun until you sober up and look in the mirror.
Remember how you got here.
Do you know how to turn back?
Do a 180 and guess what? That path that got you here is gone.
So you're in this place. You don't know what you want, you don't know where to go but you feel like you should.
You bounce violently between shoulda, coulda, woulda.
But it doesn't matter anymore. You can't go back, you're already on the fast track to a dramatic crash and burn.
Some days everything feels right, and the next it's all wrong.
Your mind is changing, your world is spinning so fast that no matter how fast you go you can never catch up.
It curves and spins and tilts until you cant hold on anymore.
Body aching, eyes are heavy, keep going until it ends.
The kiss of death.
"We'll sleep when we die."

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anybody can start today and make a new ending."
-Maria Robinson

Don't forget you're here for a purpose greater than yourself.
You're here to make a difference.
So start over.
Make your mark, leave it branded, written in wet concrete so when it dries, when you've gone, people look back and remember how you were molded and formed.
Into something with greater meaning.
Something with greater purpose.
As they walk over your mark, head down, they will see it and understand.
They will think of you.
Just like concrete.
When life got mixed up, when things got thick and life was rough, it only took a short matter of time for those things to make you strong.
Strong enough to hold you up.
Strong enough to not break under pressure.
Strong enough to hold up all of those who have walked all over you.
Maybe they will realize they are called to leave a mark or path.
To help and encourage those who follow it to not lose heart.
Remember, when life gets too hard to push through, it just means its not long until it all settles.
Don't waste a moment.
Leave your brand.
How do you want to be remembered?