Ride The Waves

You can't change anything now. And the reality is...you're right and you're wrong. You win some, you lose some.
It doesn't hurt to think about him, no.
Maybe a little because you now see how much of a slimeball he is. How could you trust a dirtbag like that?
But it hurts to think about him leaving you for her.
You are right because he left you for something better. Something better for him, for now. Until he does the same to her. (Which I'm sure he would say that would never happen, until it does. It's a vicious cycle.)
But you are wrong because there is nothing wrong with you, simply you were not the best for him and he definitely wasn't the best for you.
You're right because you are better and you do deserve better.
But you would be wrong to wish him any less.
Please don't lose heart. It was the wrong person, perhaps at the right time, but you won't ever know. You wouldn't want to know. For it to be the right time with the wrong person would be hazardous. Because being with the "wrong person" means it's never meant to last.
He was good for one thing. When he kicked you to the curb he saved you some what could someday have been extreme heartbreak, possibly divorce, pain that could waste away years of your life.
You are young yet, you have got plenty of time, and hundreds of thousands of options.
Yet you have loved, and you know for sure this time. You are 100% positive that what you felt was real.
Guess what. He can't ever take that from you. You win.
Even though sometimes it may feel like you lost this round, you didn't. Don't fool yourself into thinking you miss him. Because you don't. You miss the feeling you felt with him.
Love.
This overwhelming emotion grabbed hold of you and you wished it would never let go.
The amazing thing about love, it always gives you a second chance, and a third, and fourth, and so on. Until you are with the right person at the right time. And when that happens, though I've yet to experience it, I think that love will be even more powerful than before.
But I can't let myself think about it. It gets depressing, knowing it was right there, in your grasp and yet it slipped right through your fingers.
I used to think that I would only ever fall in love with one person and when I knew that I had fallen in love, that the rest of my life would begin from there.
I guess I believed in soul mates, destiny, fate, whatever you want to call it. Which I still do, I believe there is one right person out there for you. But it doesn't mean you won't be fooled along the way. We're human, we make mistakes, it's in our DNA. And it's okay. I've made many.
But don't dwell on it. Don't regret. Learn from it and move forward.
All things come to pass in due time. Live your life, make the best of what you got and don't let anyone bring you down.
Enjoy the little things in life.
Ride the waves.
"Let go and let God."

"The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them. "- Bernard M. Beruch

A Pen To Paper

Writing, for me, is like an escape.
Growing up I was never really taught or modeled how to show or talk about my feelings.
Not that I wasn't allowed to, it has just never come naturally to me or really anyone in my family.
So I bottle things up, until I explode.
Usually the explosion is in the form of excessive tears or an outburst of rage, or both.
I have become slightly notorious for this.
However, as a reaction to a recent heartbreak, I learned that I am capable of channeling all of this pent up emotion into a blog.
Why I didn't think of this sooner is beyond me. I've never considered myself a writer. Rather, I've always been one to hide my writings from everyone.
Why?
Because when I write, I'm vulnerable. If you want to know how I really feel, just read what I write and you will never be closer to the truth.
So I hid it, because although I honestly do not care what anyone says about it, the thought of commentary is overwhelming. Mostly because these are my thoughts, as they come, and there is no changing them.
However, I was taken with the idea of being able to express myself without having to answer to anyone. And since I've started it has become quite gratifying.
When I get in writer's mode, it's like I'm in my own world. I am able to say what I please, whenever I want and exactly as I wish to say it.
It is as easy as putting a pen to paper. Or so far in my case, fingers to a keyboard.
A simple thing really, that is an outlet for excess emotion. And it calms me, knowing that it is out of my mind and in the confidence of just whoever I want to see it.
So I will continue as needed to let the creativity flow in the form of this blog.
I appreciate all the open minded readers who come to get to know me a little better rather than to judge or criticize.
Originally and yet still a creation to benefit myself, I can't help but hope if anything I say has any impact on my followers, that it would be positive, perhaps inspirational.
Welcome to my escape. My newfound source of sanity. My personal paradise.


"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." John Jakes

Mind Over Matter

"Scared of the unknown.
We need to not be scared.
I don't think it works that way.
Change is scary, anything different is scary. "
-Hellcats

What are you scared of?
What's your biggest fear?
Spiders, snakes, tight spaces, heights, loneliness, death, love, life?
Wanna know what I'm scared of....
Vulnerability, failure, dying before living.
I'm scared that I won't get all the time I want, like this one life isn't going to be enough for me. As if I'm wasting it away. Or as if my options are limited and that will lead me to failure, that will close doors for me.
And it might.
Holding back means I'll never love as deep as the ocean.
It means I'll never learn from my mistakes.
Caution will get in the way of freedom.
But I'm really scared of fear, because fear means all these things. Fear means I'm holding back something, maybe everything.
It means I might miss out.
"You can do anything you put your mind to."
Can you?
Can I?
Not if we're too scared. Not if we get in our own way.
Guess what? I'm in my own way. And I don't how to move myself aside, now that's scary.
I may not have the resources, the connections, the opportunities that others may get. However, I don't need any of those.
What I need is the will.
The determination to do whatever I want in this life.
Is determination, will, easily acquired by any seeker? I don't think so.
I think will is part of a persons' personality. You are either created with it or without it.
And if you have it, to what degree? Is there a limit? What will put a cap on your will to do whatever you want?
Fear. Fear of something.
For me, fear of failure. That if I take a step out in determination, in faith, without holding back, throwing caution to the wind, that I won't recover if it doesn't work out as planned.
What if something goes wrong? What will people think? Will I regret it forever? How will I live with myself knowing I messed up?
I believe this is what they call internal conflict. So what do I do?
Mind over matter.
Remember you only have one life, one chance, to do it exactly as you want to. Every single moment matters. Every moment defines who you are.
So do what you want to do, love as much as you can, cry as hard as you want, laugh loud, have values, try something new, set goals and reach them.
And don't waste time letting you get in the way.
Me, I'll look myself in the face, push myself aside, move forward and step blindly off a ledge.
If I fall, remember, it's just gravity. I have the strength to stand back up.
If I fly, the possibilities are endless.

"If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone." John Maxwell
"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." -Win Borden