Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed like the best thing to ever happen to you?
But when it ended, as they do, in hindsight it seemed like the most lethal thing to come your way.
Poisonous to your morals, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, etc.
But you were blind.
You left your heart on your sleeve again.
Out in the open for anyone to stab at. They saw the other stab wounds from before, they asked about them, and you told them the truth. First mistake.
Why do you tell them the truth?
Do you expect the same from them? The truth? Do you expect them to care? Yes. Of course you do.
Second mistake.
Expectations. You want answers, you want truth, you want loyalty, you want respect, you want compromise. You want love, you want to feel like you are in it together. All in or not at all.
I missed the memo when wanting those things turned into too much to ask for.
You get hurt, damaged for all to see. Another mark in that stupid heart of yours that you are wearing so openly.
When it's over you hurt, you cry, you mourn until it all turns to bitter resentment. You get angry to get over it, because being mad at them is the only way to make your heart feel better. Third mistake.
The wound stops bleeding and starts scabbing.
Sometimes we pick at the scabs, sometimes others pick at our scabs. Because forever would be far to soon to see that person for the first time after the series of events.
So we never fully heal, no matter what. Because although this world is 195 million square miles & there are nearly 7 billion people, that one person will always be near you, it's not the last time you will see or hear of them.
So run away. But don't look back because your memories and regret are gaining on you.
The hardest part of it all is not the battle wounds, the tears, the heartbreak, the hatred.
No. It's knowing you needed that, you needed them to come into your life and break you down to nothing so that you could start over again.
They are never bad people, and this makes you so angry to think. But you can't shake it, you know you can't wish them the worst because you know they deserve the best, just like you do. You were just not best for each other.
Thanks God, for thinking so highly of us that you gave us this grueling task, this process of elimination, not so that we can find the right one for us...
But instead that we can find ourselves. Who we want to be.
And then we find someone else who has found themselves and when you realize you are both in same place, you have something in common and you make it work, God decides you're ready.
Are you ready? I don't know either.
What have you learned from those people on the list of "regrets" or "biggest mistakes"?
Sometimes you learn that you won't tolerate cheating or lying.
Or that being spiritually equal means more to you than you thought.
That abuse and arguing isn't love.
Or that double standards and lack of respect isn't gonna fly.
Whatever it may be, one day you will thank them for giving you the chance to truly love someone and never hold back. The chance to know that happy endings may not exist and the trail may be bumpy along the way but when you find the one, when you have that fairy tale love, you will look back and say it's all worth it, ever second of it.
<3
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." -Friedrich Neitzche
"Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive."- Josephine Hart
